Universal Vegetable Program

This federal election most political parties have announced platforms to entice all Canadians to eat their vegetables.  Strategies differ but most leaders recognize that there is some initial resistance to leafy greens or carrots and that enticements are needed.

Gut feelings aside, any  allegiance citizens have to carbohydrates, fruit and protein will be subtly defunded in the push to help people do what is best for them according to Minister of Children’s Services and Vegetables, Lett S. Broccoli.

In the past too many people have endured the burden of rice, fish, chicken and bread, she says and the Liberal government has announced a ground breaking funding of $30 billion over five years to nudge all citizens for equal access to kale.

A serving of kale will be provided three times a day at the expense of the state, at selected early nutrition centres, so that anyone who wants it can get it at the low cost of $10 a day.   Those who are starving will get subsidies to reduce the cost. The very rich will also be limited to 3 servings a day.

For those who like vegetables but not kale, there will be no funding, to gently encourage them to see the merits of kale.  This program will be a huge job creator says Broccoli, as the economy recovers from the pandemic. Thousands of new kale consumption educators will be trained and hired to supervise, monitor and count the kale consumed.  A permanent secretariat will be set up by the state to provide permanent oversight of the program and the International Brotherhood and Sisterhood of Kale Watchers has nominated several of its union directors for the positions.

For those who really don’t like kale and object on some paltry human rights claim that they should not have to pay for what they don’t eat , examples will be cited both of the nutritional value of kale that keeps people from starving, and the public benefit motif of everyone helping out the struggling kale lover who is unable to afford kale without this low cost program.

The leaders of all parties are keen to ensure that Canadians eat their vegetables and this program will be called  not the Universal Kale Program or the Universal Vegetable Program, which names were considered but rejected. Minister Lett S. Broccoli has announced that it will be dubbed The Universal Nutrition Program.   People must not starve and this, she says, is a caring nation.

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