Universal Nutrition Program

Universal Nutrition Program

The federal election has just been announced . Its ambitious universal nutrition program agreements are being signed by each province. Under these agreements $30 billion over five years will be distributed to provinces and territories, to that people can eat.

The funding will go directly to the pizza restaurants across the country that provide the standardized, regulated, good for body development pizza required by the state.   Much of the money will be spent on infrastructure to set up or expand the pizza parlors and to hire more trained staff.  In this way the nutrition program is also a job creator as millions of pizza workers will now be on site to provide the pizza.

The pizza will be available at a cost to customers of $10 a day, the rest of the bill subsidized by the state through an increase in personal and corporate tax.  Minister of the Universal Nutrition Pizza Plan, Chihi Tomato has said that the plan will ensure that nobody starves, that no person is left behind and that citizens can all be their best selves because they have eaten.

Government will also fund an ambitious monitoring system for management and oversight of the pizza production and delivery. Their salaries will be also be paid for by the state to ensure accountability, high quality  and transparency of how many pizzas are eaten.. Unused pizza will be discarded.  A small group of picketers was seen outside the House of Commons with signs indicating they do not like pizza and prefer chicken but they were quickly whisked away by security staff.

Several leaders of cash strapped provinces who were informed they were not able to access billions of dollars unless they signed, were seen cowering. The federal  agreement document had so many strings attached that one of the aides nearly tripped trying to open it.  . However after signing pizza was served.

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