Universal eldercare

Universal eldercare

This election all parties are vying for votes on the topic of eldercare. The ruling party under Prime Minister U. Thornton has announced a visionary plan to fund a universal eldercare plan at $30 billion over 5 years. The plan will set up an eldercare space  for every senior from aged 65, all across the nation at a guaranteed low cost to residents of $10 a day.

In this way the nation’s seniors will be able to secure attentive loving care by paid strangers knowledgeable in  the language,  dietary preferences, quirks , interests and culture of all Canadians and able to provide it. The program will also be a job creator as thousand of new eldercare professionals will be hired, many of whom having professional level training of a diploma. To ensure a robust unionized staff cohort, salaries will take up 80% of the budget.

The program will be funded through a gentle hike in taxes for all citizens since we’re all in this together says Thornton

The centres will offer regulated care, four residents to a room with standardized inspected cafeteria style eating at assigned spots. Activities will be organized for residents including not only wooden blocks but sand tables in a cost savings using recycled materials from children’s care facilities of earlier years.   The nation’s retired plumbers, electricians, judges, teachers, doctors, lawyers and farmers will all be addressed by their first names by youthful exuberant staff in a stimulating cheerful atmosphere of social acceptance and all staff will ask in a bouncy way daily “How are we today?” In this way mental health concerns will be a top of mind focus, consistent with recent research by Professor C. Nyle.

Residents will be served 3 meals a day announced by bugle calls to recognize the needs of those with hearing challenges.  Meals will be served in an attractive presentation with measured portions that residents can eat in any order they wish.  There will be no salt, gravy, dessert or alcohol permitted realizing that such practices only put our seniors’ health at risk. A standardized nutrition program has been carefully set up by Professor I. M,. Bland.

For seniors who seem agitated there will be access to calming medication at any time of the day or night.

Because links to the family are vital for mental health, residents will be given access to the public phone in the main room, for personal calls any time between 10 AM and 10: 15 AM daily.  They will also be permitted visits from family in the main room after appropriate security checks are done by staff, frisking and laser scan,  any time between 6 and 6:30 PM with extension to 7PM for visitors to those who are dying.

To ensure patients are not distressed, all walls in the facility will be a uniform off white no lustre. and for cleanliness all flooring will be easy to clean cement.

Residents also will be able to reduce loneliness by interacting with robots that daily take their blood pressure in a standardized, aging- developmentally appropriate regulated way.  These robots will be provided through an ongoing contract with high tech industry to make sure Canada is among the world’s leaders in science.

Residents will also be assisted to use a telescope to see in the public parking lot any relatives or pets that are visiting, any time after the regulated afternoon naptime for up to 30 minutes.  They will also be permitted to look out from one regulated picture window per ten rooms.

To ensure airtight protection of the nation’s vulnerable seniors, all facilities will have doors that lock automatically from the outside. Residents will be implanted with ID and GPS in the wrist that they can simply wave over a sensor and then use a 7 number personalized entry number on a keypad to get back in.  Residents will have access to passes for leaving the facility any time they wish between 11 AM and 11:30  AM as long as they have the day previous eaten all of their vegetables.

This program finally recognizes the vital part our seniors have played in establishing our great country.  All political parties recognize senior care as an urgent need and seniors as a growing demographic, creating potential for a huge employment boom for care workers

In this way also family members will be spared the hardship or awkwardness of hugs or  long talks with their aging relatives, and be freed up to go to paid work, use their skills, earn and pay tax to finance the eldercare plan.

Families that wish to keep an aging relative at home or seniors who wish to remain in their own home will be discouraged from taking such a highly risky unregulated route. Funding for such care will be eliminated as a cost savings for government and a gentle nudging to use the eldercare facilities..

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